The Unbecoming And what does that even mean?
This is something I’ve wanted to write about for a while and share with my community, because it’s a conversation I’ve had with myself many times.
What does it really look like to unbecome everything you’re not, so you can finally become who you truly are?
For so long, the conversation around healing has focused on trauma. Letting go of trauma. Breaking the cycles. Releasing ancestral pain. And yes, those parts matter… but here’s something I’ve learned, both from my personal journey and through eight years of working with trauma:
The more we stay focused on the pain, the more we stay in the frequency of it. The thought patterns. The heaviness. The self-talk that loops us back into the past. And while acknowledging what we’ve been through is part of the process, healing doesn’t mean returning to who we were before the pain.
Because that version of us no longer exists.
Healing isn’t about going back. It’s about choosing who you are becoming. It’s becoming someone new, someone who carries both softness and strength, vulnerability and wisdom. Someone who knows their past shaped them, but no longer lets it define them.
Think about it like this: when we have a wound, we don’t keep picking at it during the healing process. We give it what it needs, nourishment, care, rest, so it can repair. We don’t rip the scab off every few days just to start the process all over again.
Our emotional healing is the same. On a cellular level. On an energetic level. On a mindset level.
And what helped me most, what I now share with my clients, is this:
The shift happens when we begin to future pace. When we begin to visualise and embody the version of ourselves that we are becoming.
This is the unbecoming.
Letting go of the stories, the labels, the weight of “what happened.”
Forgiving yourself.
Being gentle with yourself.
And choosing to show up for the version of you that already exists, she’s just waiting for you to remember her.
Ask yourself…
How does my future self-feel?
What kind of people are around her?
What lights her up?
Where does she spend her time?
What does her self-care look like?
How does she move, speak, lead, love?
What does she believe about herself, and the world around her?
These are the questions I asked myself every day. Even on the days I didn’t feel ready. Even on the days I doubted myself. I still chose to focus on the becoming. On the version of me who already knew I was on my way.
Because here’s what I know to be true:
What we focus on, we feel.
Focus on pain, you stay in pain.
Focus on lack, you see more of what’s missing.
Focus on the trauma, and you’ll attract people and experiences that mirror that.
But when you focus on your becoming, when you visualise and believe in that next version of you, everything begins to shift.
Your energy rises.
Your thoughts align.
And the life you truly want becomes available, one choice at a time.
Your past may be written. But your future? That’s still yours to create.
You get to choose the characters in your story.
You get to set the scene, the energy, the outcomes.
You get to release what was and trust in what’s to come.
Because healing doesn’t mean going back.
It means unbecoming everything you’re not, so you can fully rise into everything you are.
You’re not healing to better tolerate trauma, pain, or anxiety. You already know how to survive that.
You’re healing so you can finally let happiness in, so you can hold joy, welcome peace, and truly embrace the version of you who feels free to be her whole self.
And as I walk that path, I remind myself often:
I trust myself and the process of life.
With big love and deep belief in your becoming,
Renee xxx
A moment to pause. Reflect. And remember the version of you you're becoming.
Daily Prompt to Step into Your Future Self is a simple, intentional practice designed to bring you closer to the version of you that already exists, the one who’s aligned, grounded, and ready.
Each morning, take three deep breaths, close your eyes, and ask yourself:
What do I need to remember today?
What do I know deep down that I’ve forgotten?
What do I love about who I’m becoming?
What do I need most right now?
Write down whatever comes.
A word. A feeling. A quiet knowing. Let it flow without forcing it.
This isn’t about getting it perfect.
It’s about creating space to hear your inner voice, the one we so often silence or override.
And maybe, just maybe, it looks like one small, aligned action.
Because 1% a day? That’s 365% in a year.
That’s becoming.
It might be dressing for how you want to show up.
Setting the boundary you used to avoid.
Saying no to what your old self would’ve said yes to.
This is how the shift begins.
This is the unbecoming.
One breath, one action, one reflection at a time.
This is how change begins.
Not all at once, but in daily moments of clarity, intention, and self-trust.